i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
