i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
