So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Randomize
