I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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