I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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