Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
His nipple licking is glorious
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