You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
