I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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