dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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