I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
