Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
