This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
