Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Even the bartender felt bad for me
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
