did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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