I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
