Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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