Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
