Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
