the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
