We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
