Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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