Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
