you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
