No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
