Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
