I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I've blown a few things in my day
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
