The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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