I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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