Sry I called you an 8
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
