capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
