you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
