I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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