why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
