Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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