so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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