I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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