'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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