It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
