Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
