I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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