drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
