It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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