So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
