can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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