Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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