So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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