Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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