The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize