im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
