Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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